I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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