I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
