Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
