Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
