I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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