This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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