First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
