Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
