I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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