Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
