I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
