My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
