how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
did i just pee glitter
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize