either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
