Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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