sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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