dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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