i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
