Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
