we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
