Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Randomize
