I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
