dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
