I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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