I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
