i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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