I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
