She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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