can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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