my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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