Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
