my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
