At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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