Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
