You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
