new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Someone came in the potted fern
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
