I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
