question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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