last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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