would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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