Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
