so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Randomize
