bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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