so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
