MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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