My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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