living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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