Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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