I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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