do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
