Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.