he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
