Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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