just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
