Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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