Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
only you would photoshop your dick
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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