I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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