I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
