carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
