and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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