Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.