sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
