You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?