i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.