I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.