she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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