does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
