New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
