my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
foreskin is a definite game changer
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
