Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize