I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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