I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
