I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
