It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
