Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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