so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
