you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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