I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
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Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
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She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize