so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
