talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
