I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
